Too Early in the Morning
by Kolidescope
Summary: Apparently, Kaitou Kid isn't quite finished making his rounds in cyberspace. Randomly inspired by the chain of crackfics started by DireSphinx. I'm a dork.


**Too Early in the Morning**

_Umm… Well, when I first made my account here at ff, I had no idea that the first fic I'd upload would be something like this. And I'm rather embarrassed. But after reading all the fics in the contagious chain started by DireSphinx (and continued by Zeodyme Delacross, AngelRoy, 66ButterflyOfDarkness99, s2lou, moonlit-vampire-13, __and katiesparks), I had this irresistible urge to contribute my own. Kaito really gets around, doesn't he?_

_I do not own anything related to Detective Conan, save my collection of DVDs and manga. Aoyama Gosho is cool._

* * *

Summer break for me inevitably means hours and hours spent in front of a computer screen. Some of what I do is work - good, productive activity that is beneficial to my future; however, surfing FanFiction dot net is not a part of that category. Unfortunately.

I can't say I've really written any fanfiction in my six-or-seven years as an anime fan (though I've made a couple feeble attempts), but I've recently taken quite a bit of interest in the Detective Conan section of the site. Aside from the series being my latest obsession, I've managed to find a surprising amount of stories that were to my liking. I keep coming back to see if there are more.

So that's where I was in cyberspace one particular morning, skimming through the page of summaries and waiting for something to catch my interest. It seemed I had already read the good ones, and there hadn't been much updated since... well, since I checked last, which was only the day before. I gave a little impatient sigh. It was probably going to take a long time for funvince to update _The Mystery of Conan Edogawa_ again, which was what I was really looking forward to, and apparently there was no new chapter of _Promenade_ by Ocianne. Maybe I'd settle for some cute drabbles.

"Or maybe I should actually do something useful before I bring about my own death by laziness," I said out loud to nobody.

"Yeah, maybe you should," my computer agreed with me.

It took more seconds than necessary for me to realize that the voice hadn't just come from my overactive imagination. I looked around a moment before I spotted a familiar white-clad figure, leaning on the edge of my browser right on top of a banner ad.

He waved at me, giving his signature mischievous smile as he observed my reaction.

"Kaitou Kid?" I asked stupidly. It really was too early in the morning, if I was seeing things like this...

"The one and only," the thief bowed theatrically. "You do know that it's pointless to check this page twice a day, right? Fanfic authors have lives. At least, most of them do. Unlike yourself."

"Yeah, yeah. So sue me for taking it easy for my first... three weeks of summer." Dang, had it already been three weeks? "It's not like I haven't done anyth -- Hey, wait a minute!" I pointed an accusing finger at him. "This... You're... I've read about this! There are, like, three or four different authors who write little oneshots about you coming to visit their desktops! I came across those fics a couple days ago!"

"Actually, there are at least six," Kaito corrected, hopping upward to sit on top of my scrollbar. The weight made the page of text move upward a couple hundred pixels.

I considered him for a moment. ".. So what, are you making your rounds again? Glider break down on your way to DireSphinx's or something?"

He feigned a hurt look behind the monocle, looking at me with large blue eyes. "What, do you think I couldn't have a reason for popping in to say hello to you? I'm hurt, Miss Kolidescope. I thought you liked me."

I raised an eyebrow, trying not to think about how cute the thief looked just then. "You usually come to exact your just revenge on authors whose fics are either torturesome or annoyingly OOC. I've never written any fanfiction, let alone one about you, so what..?"

Kaito held up one finger to silence me. "Not quite true. You write in roleplays, don't you?" He reached into his suit and pulled out his card gun - by far my favorite gadget of his - with which he shot one of his special projectiles toward the open notepad document on my taskbar, causing it to restore and reveal my unfinished roleplay post. "Roleplaying the way you do is nothing less than collaborative story writing. I'm sure you agree."

"Um... yeah..." I started to turn visibly red as I glanced over the post-in-progress. It was for an ongoing one-on-one roleplay with someone from the virtual pet site Neopets, whose forums are where I first learned how to roleplay at the age of eleven. I'd been trading posts by "neomail" with a fellow Detective Conan fan for about four months, with her playing Conan and myself playing Kaito. Not really wanting to know what the Kid had to say about my skill in portraying his character, I made a move toward the minimize button with my cursor.

Kaito was quicker, however, and caught my cursor in mid-travel. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?"

"You don't need to read that..." I said hurriedly. I attempted to move the mouse around, but the cursor stayed put in the thief's gloved hand. At my words, Kaito flashed a disobedient grin and went to stand right in front of the Notepad window, pausing to read the paragraphs of text. I gave a little groan.

"Eh. Not too bad," he said as he finished reading. "Nothing worth complaining about. Looks like you're having fun with this."

I let out a small breath of relief. "Ah, I am indeed," I said with a smile. "I must say it's incredibly fun to write you, Kuroba-kun. You've got a very special brand of awesome."

"Awww, You flatter me!"

"Yeah. Well, actually, I flatter Aoyama Gosho."

"Point taken," Kaito said with a laugh, tipping his white top hat.

"I don't know how your mangaka does it, Kaito.. Writing a solve-it-yourself mystery is a tough task in itself, but churning out a new case every three weeks has got to be a killer. Heck, just drawing sixteen pages of manga a week has got to be a killer."

"He's well-practiced by now."

"After fifteen years of Detective Conan, I sure hope so."

"You're getting quite a lot of drawing practice yourself, aren't you?" I almost didn't notice that Kaito had left Notepad and was starting to help himself to my personal files, making his way to my Drawings folder.

"H-hey! Don't just go in there without asking!" It was futile, however; he had already started opening images, scattering them onto the desktop (and cluttering my already-filled taskbar).

I heard a light chuckle. "This is really what I came here to talk to you about - your dream career. You're studying to be an animator."

I stayed silent and looked at him for a moment, wondering where he was going to go with that.

"Well honestly, as you could probably imagine, this hits a little closer to home than the world of fanfictions ever could. You're going to be in the business. My business, so to speak." Kaito eyed me strangely, and I stared back, vaguely wondering what the thief thought of the metafictional implications of this conversation. Talk about breaking the fourth wall. He continued, "It's the people like you who really run things around my place, after all. The visual storytellers. It's because of people like you that I am able to pay these special visits to offending fanfic writers at all."

"Well... Technically, it's only due to the fanfic writers... because they're the ones who write the fics about you visiting the fanfic writers, so..."

_... Nevermind. I'll stop thinking about it._

"Ah, but if it weren't for Aoyama Gosho and the creative team at Tokyo Movie Shinsha, none of them would have been inspired to write Detective Conan or Magic Kaito fanfiction in the first place. I would not be thriving in the public imagination. You see? Without the artists, I wouldn't exist."

I thought about it a moment, then nodded slowly.

Before continuing, the thief paused a moment. He made a quick flowing movement with his wrist, producing a fan of cards in his hand. "And if you play your cards right, someday you'll be in a position to create something of your very own. When that time comes, I want you to do it the right way. You need to make something that excites the imagination..."

A sudden burst of pink smoke appeared in Kaito's hand and quickly dissipated, leaving behind a beautiful bouquet of flowers where the fan of cards once was.

"… something that draws the audience into the illusion, and invites them to believe in your magic, if only for the short amount of time they are watching the screen."

The bouquet was turned upside down, and four white doves fluttered out in all directions with an elegant spray of flower petals.

"What seems real to the mind can be as important as any material fact. We live by the spirit and the imagination as well as by our senses. Animation can give fantasy the same reality as those things we can touch and see and hear."

"… That's a quote from Walt Disney, isn't it?" I smiled. "I'm impressed. Unless, of course, you made a quick trip through Google before coming here."

Kaito rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Alright, I confess. It's not like I can know every famous quo -- Oh hey? What's this?"

Apparently, he hadn't yet bothered to actually look at the drawings he had just opened on to my desktop, because the sight of one in particular managed to cut off his train of thought. Kaito selected the window and brought it to the front in an attempt to get a better look. He stood facing it with his back toward me, but I could see his entire body tense up when he realized what the picture was - a quick sketch of a very freaked Kaitou Kid, frantically running away from an evilly grinning Conan Edogawa who was in hot pursuit of him and wearing... a fish costume.

I really couldn't help but suppress a snorting giggle when the thief didn't say anything for a full fifteen seconds.

"I... I don't know whether to laugh or shoot an ace of spades through your face," Kaito said, causing me to break out in full-blown laughter.

"That's -- what you -- get --" I stammered in between laughs, "for going into my stuff without permission!!"

The Kaitou Kid turned toward me with an unmistakable I-really-hate-you expression. "You're a madwoman, you know that? Heck with fanfic authors, it's the fanartists I need to keep an eye on."

I wiped a tear from my eye. "Hyeah. You do that. I'm sure you'll want to give the yaoi artists a piece of your mind."

Not even Poker Face could hide the shiver that went through Kaito's spine at the mention of the subject. He muttered a couple unkind words that I chose to pretend not to hear.

"But let's not talk about that," I said, finally calming my laughter. "Thanks for stopping by, Kaito. It was nice, and you helped me remind myself why I want to do what I want to do. I'll be sure to draw something cute with you and Aoko and upload it to DeviantArt as a thank-you, how about that?"

I watched as he seemed to consider this for a moment. "...Fine. I'll accept it as an apology for your previous fan art offenses." An evil grin spread across his face. "And if you really want to throw in a thank-you, put her in pink undies..."

I grabbed the mouse and slapped him across the face with the cursor. "I'll put your FACE in pink undies, moron."

"Ow."

"You deserved that."

"Your MOM deserved tha --" _*SLAP*_ "OW!!"

Despite my repeated cursor-slap, I was tempted to laugh at the notion that Kaitou Kid had tried to pull a 'Your Mom' joke.

"Okay, okay!" Kaito rubbed his cheek and slumped in defeat. "You're no fun anymore."

I smirked and leaned back in my chair. "Now behave yourself, Kuroba, or I'll find a way to get hired at your anime studio."

The thief smirked back. "Ooo, I'm so scared. You might do something awful, like color my hair blue for three frames." He made his way over to the left side of the laptop screen and stepped onto the Show Desktop button, minimizing all of the files he had scattered onto the screen.

"At any rate, I should get going. Places to go, people to see, dangerous pieces of un-uploaded fanfiction to destroy."

"Aww, already?" I sighed. "Well, I wish you the best of luck on your noble mission. You will drop by again sometime, won't you?"

Kaito let out a laugh. "Who knows. Perhaps I will. But you really should reconsider that invitation - Do you really want me loose on your computer when I'm bored?"

I shrugged. "Well... I mean, it's not like you pulled anything this time, right?"

The thief's only answer was a very satisfied evil smirk, and then only a moment later his corner of the screen filled with a puffy pink smoke, which dissipated quickly to reveal his distinct absence.

Huh. That wasn't a good sign.

Quickly, I brought up my Drawings folder and scrolled down to the Fish Suit picture that Kaito had complained about earlier. The file was still there. Good. But what was this? The thumbnail looked strange... I clicked on it. When it opened, I was greeted by:

_This obnoxious picture has been stolen by me._

_Have a wonderful day!_

_Love, Kaitou Kid._

_P.S. "A writer's brain is like a magician's hat. If you're going to get anything out of it, you have to put something in it first". —Louis L'Amour._

_So get your butt out of that chair and do something._

I slumped in my chair and gave a sigh, staring at the classic kid-style note with a mixture of irritation and amusement. The guy had had the guts to tamper with my precious art files. Then again, that's what made him awesome.

So, I supposed, that was that. I let out a loud yawn and stood up, closing my laptop screen. It was time for me to have breakfast. Maybe the absence of food in my stomach was responsible for that bout of hallucination. Maybe it really would be a good idea to get out of the house today. Or maybe it really was just far too early in the morning.

"Well," I said aloud to the empty room with the only words that seemed to fit, "That was weird."


End file.
